5 Tips for Committing to a Long-Term Relationship – with You
You’ve heard it before: you can’t love others unless you love yourself, and it’s true – until you can make that long-term commitment to yourself, you can’t really be there for others. Without a long and deep look in the mirror, you’re just a mess of unrealized expectations and projection, seeing in others the best and worst in yourself. So take a moment to step back and assess this core relationship, using these 5 tips.
- Start with Friendship
Listen to your self-talk for a day. Would you treat any friend the way you treat yourself? Friends listen, are kind and forgiving of each other’s flaws, and help us lighten up and find the humor in mistakes. They also support our strengths and encourage us in new ideas and experiences that will lead to growth. Can you do all these things for yourself?
- Romance Yourself
Yes, it’s important to go beyond just friendship and fall in love with yourself – flaws and all. Look for the magic – the moments of connection with just yourself. Maybe it was through meditation or exercise or risk-taking or learning – but think of those moments of great insight and joy for being just who you are at that point in time. Create a love affair with yourself – do things for and with yourself, just for the sheer enjoyment of it.
- Stay the Course
Once you’ve started, don’t let the love affair peter out. Keep the connection to self going. Think about the child you were, so innocent and open to the world, think of all the experiences you’ve been through and mistakes you’ve made, but come through stronger for, think of your natural talents and hard-won skills, and embrace the whole, wide, complicated span of who you are and who you want to become. Love yourself for all of that, because if you can accept and believe in you, you’re a lot more able to allow others to do the same.
- Keep It Interesting
Like any long-term relationship, you’ve got to keep it interesting. Don’t let your connection with self go stale – keep it alive. So look for ways to grow and continue to get to know yourself. Try new experiences – travel, food, people, ideas. Open yourself to the possibilities for learning and growth, especially if it takes you beyond your comfort zone. What’s something you’ve been wanting to do that you’re letting fear stop you from?
- Always, Always, Be Kind
Whenever you spend a lot of time and attention on one person, you’re bound to notice the flaws, experience the mistakes, and get into awkward situations. When you think of yourself as your best friend and first love, you are more likely to be kind when things go off the rail. It could be a mistake at work, a skirmish with your teen, a lost wallet, but no matter how you falter, always, always, be kind to yourself through it. You’ll come out stronger and better balanced for yourself and those around you.
So forget all the messages that tell you to put others first, and make that long-term commitment to you. When you’re in love with yourself, you have strength, power, and energy to share with others. It’s the best investment you’ll make into the rest of your life.
What do you think, does this sound appealing or just selfish? I want to hear from you, so comment below or join the conversation at the private Facebook group: Let’s Get Insanely Satisfied. Send me a request to join and I’ll add you in.
And, we’ll continue to explore these ideas in a series of blogs posts coming up over the next few weeks.
