6 Ideas for Redefining Success and Finding Satisfaction

Stop defining success as something outside yourself, and start defining it in terms of inner satisfaction. For deep fulfillment and satisfaction while pursuing your goals, stop feeding your ego and start feeding your soul.

All your life you’ve worked hard for success. And you’ve earned lots of it. You might measure it in career achievements, in family and relationships, in your love life, or in your possessions. Maybe you’ve got everything you ever wanted, and maybe it even feels like it’s enough. But if you’ve been focused on the outward trappings of success – the admiration of others, the approval of loved ones, the accolades and awards, the societal acceptance – you may feel less than…satisfied.

I tried that route – I used to think having a boyfriend would solve all my problems and make me feel good. I’ve focused on career, bought a home, built retirement funds, and basked in the approval of others. But none of it ever made me feel truly satisfied. Satisfaction comes from a deep place within that is focused on contribution and connection, from being truly in touch with what gives your life meaning and integrity.

It’s not the fact of having a romantic partner, it’s the inner value of that connection to your wellbeing. It’s not the award, but the meaning it represents to your soul. You are the only judge of that meaning, no one and nothing outside yourself can say, “Yes, this means success to me.” If you chase your goals for outer adulation, it’s very unlikely you’ll feel internal satisfaction when you achieve them. If you tune into what drives you, however, and identify the meaning and values behind it, you’ll have a better chance of finding fulfillment.

Here are 6 ideas for reframing what success means to you and finding more satisfaction in life.

1. Define Success for You, Not Others

So many of us define success by the validation we get from others, from society, from the world. But that’ll never lead to true satisfaction because it’s unconnected to meaning. What’s valuable to you? Unless success is aligned with your inner values, outside validation is empty of meaning. Choose goals that have meaning to you. If you chose a career that looks good to the world and gives you approval and validation but makes you miserable, you’ll never find fulfillment in it. Better to give it up and do something you enjoy even if your family disapproves. You’ll feel better inside.

2. Stop Caring What Other People Think of You

Easier said than done, right? Outside validation is central to developing self-esteem as young people and can be hard to give up as adults. You’re used to the comfort and support gained from others’ approval. But you’re never going to be able to define your success and embrace your satisfaction until you:

• Establish unshakeable belief in yourself, your values, and your choices, AND
• Detach from other people’s opinions

Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t care or you treat others’ opinions with disrespect. It means you listen, acknowledge, and decide for yourself if the opinion is helpful or harmful to your choices. You are not obliged to accept the information, no matter how strongly the other person feels about offering it.

3. Learn to Self-Validate

If you’re used to seeking approval from others to prove success, you need to learn to self-validate. Focus on what you know about your values and desires, goals and dreams, and your definitions of success. Ground yourself in this knowledge, remind yourself daily. Visualize reaching your goals, imagine how you’ll feel. The more you know why you’re seeking a goal and focus on the satisfaction it will bring, the easier it is to let go of others’ approval and opinions, whether they agree with you or not. Stay centered even around those who do agree and support you – you need to validate yourself and not lean on others to know you’re on the right track.

4. Cultivate Awareness

To keep your focus on satisfaction rather than outwardly driven success takes awareness. So much comes up – choices, diversions, opportunities. To stay connected to your true goals means taking time periodically to listen within. Are you still on track? Do you really want to follow that new path or is it just a distraction? Think of awareness as your rudder, helping you steer the boat of satisfaction. When you hit a decision point in working toward your goals, take time to feel out which direction keeps you connected to the meaning and values driving satisfaction and fulfillment.

5. Use Your Feelings

Some of the most important, least understood, and often neglected clues to satisfaction are your feelings. You might have been pushed by others to succeed through education, career, and stability, whether you liked or were happy about it or not. You might have been taught to ignore your feelings in the pursuit of these goals, and so you may not be aware of this truth:

Feelings tell you if your actions are in alignment with inner satisfaction versus external success

It’s really simple. If you feel good about a goal, action, direction, or choice, chances are it’s in alignment with your values and integrity and will ultimately contribute to your satisfaction. If you make that decision and it does not feel good, it’s probably not contributing to your fulfillment.

So are you listening to your feelings or ignoring them? Try tuning in the next time you need to make a decision toward your current goal. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you made the decision one way, and then how you’d feel if you make it the other way…which one feels better?

6. Revive Your Dreams

As you redefine success, revisit the hopes and dreams you’ve had over your life. Are your current goals in line with those hopes and dreams? If you’ve been limiting your definition of success, throw the door open. What do you really want to put on your list of goals that would feed your sense of satisfaction? Go back to childhood – what dreams did you have that you might have discarded in favor of more “realistic” goals for success. Expand the possibilities. Listen to your new definitions of success, allow your feelings to guide you, and open yourself to new ideas.

Try putting these suggestions into action today:

• Make a list of your current goals
• For each, write down whether you are seeking to achieve them for you or for others
• Imagine how you’ll feel when you achieve the goals
• Put the list aside and take a fresh sheet of paper: if you redefined success and focused on satisfaction, would you have the same goals?
• Let your values and feelings guide your choices in what you pursue, even if it means others won’t approve

As you redefine your goals, make satisfaction a prerequisite to success. Ultimately, success isn’t about how you look to the outside world. It’s about how good you feel inside. It’s not about feeding your ego. It’s about feeding your soul. How are you defining success and satisfaction today?

Photo by Johan Godínez on Unsplash