Oh Baby! 6 Ways to Keep Your Sanity During a Major Life Change

You haven’t heard from me at the Insanely Satisfied Life for over a year because I had a baby! And no matter how many times people told me that it would challenge both my sanity and serenity, I had to live it to know it. Sleep? Forget it. Social activities? Not happening. But hardest of all for me has been the almost complete lack of time for creativity – for me that means writing and sharing with all of you! In the whirlwind of birth and newborn care, I have skirted the edges of depression, anxiety, and perhaps even insanity and had to find my way back to balance. For anyone facing a major life change, here are 6 ways to recapture sanity, serenity, and life satisfaction.

1. Embrace Learning

A big life change usually means new experiences – things we’ve never faced before with lots of unexpected events and uncertainty. Dealing with new situations and major life changes brings a lot of uncertainty, highlighting gaps in knowledge and experience. To survive and thrive, it’s critical to embrace new learning and expand understanding to help successfully manage change. We must challenge ourselves to grow so that we don’t stagnate or implode with the challenges of new experiences.

Though I’ve been a stepmother to six since the youngest was eight years old, this is my first time raising a human from scratch. I had some basic values and beliefs to start with, but figuring out the nitty gritty of baby care is a constant, daily, even hourly adventure. With my partner, I read, research, consult with friends and professionals, experiment, learn from mistakes and successes, and then repeat the process (ongoing for at least the next 18 years, no doubt!).

2. Practice Humility

This goes with continual learning; there is so much we don’t know when we’re in new situations, we have to admit our lack of knowledge, and be open to gaining information and knowledge from any source. Admitting ignorance can be difficult, but if we can recognize our limitations and open ourselves to learning, we’ll be better able to successfully adapt to changes. I’ve had to practice humility often as a new mom, making assumptions that just weren’t right or making mistakes, and being willing to take suggestions from my partner, other family, friends, or other sources.

3. Ask for Help

In a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency, asking for help is almost taboo. But when we face major upheaval in our lives, having help and support is absolutely essential for sanity in managing through the changes. It’s at these times we need to lean into our communities, whether they are formal or informal. Although it’s hard, we need to tap friends, family, community members, and ask for what we need. Like many life changes, learning to take care of an infant is overwhelming. I looked to friends and family for support, but could have used a lot more help. The early days were hardest, and it’s led to an effort to connect with more formal communities around us.

4. Think Gratitude

Recognizing and appreciating what we have rather than pining after what we don’t is a skill that leads to resilience and positivity. When we focus on gratitude, we can see the positives in almost any situation. It’s helpful to make it a daily practice, picking a time of day, and list out at least three things we’re grateful for. In my experience, gratitude shifts my mental game, moving from complaints and dissatisfaction to peace of mind. “Today I didn’t have time to clean the kitchen” becomes “I spent the day giving my baby what she needed.”

5. Accept Reality

Similar to gratitude, acceptance is about being okay with what is happening right now. Instead of wishing for something different, we accept that what is happening now is exactly as it should be. We embrace reality, and in doing so, we align with the universe. When we fight what’s happening, and wish it were something else, we sow the seeds of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. A major life change means a shift in our current reality, and requires adjustment of our perspective and mental attitude.

My reality has changed significantly. I am not able to engage in most of the activities I used to and have narrowed my focus to the essentials of taking care of my daughter. It means I don’t go out as often with friends, am not able to do some of the volunteer service work I used to, and don’t have much free time for myself. And that’s ok. Rather than wish for all of those things, I accept that raising a baby means focusing on her care and the surrounding essentials of providing a safe and loving environment. The more we stay in the here and now, and accept all that entails, the less we live in regret, longing, or resentment.

6. Find Enjoyment

Beyond gratitude and acceptance, it’s also important to actually find enjoyment during a major life change. While this may seem impossible in the upheaval of a house move, job change, relationship start or end, marriage, divorce, or baby, there are always ways to cultivate joy. It can be as simple as enjoying a hot shower (even if it’s short), savoring a cup of coffee or tea, talking with a supportive friend, looking at photos, or taking a few moments for prayer or meditation. The possibilities are endless if we work to include enjoyment in a hectic time.

For me, despite the consuming nature of baby care, I look for those moments: a hug from the baby, taking a short walk with a friend at work and sharing from the heart, turning on a song and singing and dancing along with my daughter. Finding joy is a choice that helps to soothe a troubled mind during the difficult times.

Have you had a recent life change that threw you for a loop? What helped you to adjust and settle into the new reality? How did you find balance, sanity, and serenity with your new circumstances?