6 Ways Cancer Improved My Life

What is the worst news you could get? A cancer diagnosis is way up there for many of us. In 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it was terrifying. But while there were definitely some dark days, one year later, my life is BETTER than before I got cancer!

I never thought I would get breast cancer because I have no family history; then when I did, I never thought it actually improve my life. Don’t get me wrong, it many ways it totally sucked. Chemotherapy fatigue drained my energy. I developed depression and thought I was going to have to check into a psychiatric ward. I went through surgery for a double mastectomy followed by six weeks of radiation, and I didn’t fully recover my energy until a year after my diagnosis. But all told, I’m grateful for the experience, because I learned so much and made some significant improvements in my life.

Here are six ways that having cancer has led to life improvements for me. They can be applied to any life challenge.

1. Live One Moment at a Time

I had often practiced “one day at a time,” to get through difficult times, but cancer drove me down to living minute to minute. The fatigue from chemo was something I never experienced before, and it scared the crap out of me. I couldn’t move my body without major effort, and my mind slowed to a sluggish crawl. Getting through a family event meant taking several breaks to lie down and sleep. Living with cancer means living with a lot of uncertainty: tests, waiting, conversations with doctors that later need research to understand. And in the middle of chemo, which happened last fall as light and heat departed from New England, I was hit hard by depression, a demon I thought I’d put to bed many years ago.

To get through all of these challenges and more, I had to live just minute to minute. If I thought about the next moment, the next chemo session, the next test, even just getting through in the next hour, I would fall off a cliff of terror, doubt, and darkness. So it was a matter of literally staying present in this second, then the next, and so on. I made it through chemo fatigue this way, as well as waiting, and especially through the depression.

What did that look like? Driving home from work in the dark telling myself, “I’m driving, I’m ok, I can get through this minute,” and then the next and then the next. And that’s how I survived until medication kicked in and helped me back to mental security.

How do you get through extreme negative emotions?

2. Gratitude as a Path to Positive Thinking

I’ve practiced gratitude for many years, writing lists of things I’m grateful for several times a week and sharing them with friends. But I really stepped it up with cancer. I found that whenever I would get bad news, I could always see the positive side of it. Sometimes it happened immediately, sometimes it took a few days and some extra effort. But eventually I could accept the situation and make the best of it. Here are some examples of turning things around:

Bad news:
You have breast cancer, and it’s in the lymph nodes.

Gratitude:
We’ve still caught it early enough that it’s ‘only’ stage 2A, and so it’s curable.

Bad news:
You’re going to lose your hair from chemotherapy.

Gratitude:
Hair loss is temporary, and my friends sent me fun head coverings to keep me warm.

Bad news:
Chemo can cause neuropathy.

Gratitude:
I researched and found a way to potentially prevent neuropathy and used it during the sessions. I had minimal neuropathy.

Bad news:
Chemo didn’t eliminate the tumor, there’s still so much DCIS (early indicator) that a lumpectomy is not sufficient, and you need a mastectomy to be sure to remove it all.

Gratitude:
This means I can now ask for the double mastectomy I wanted to be sure we remove every future possibility of cancer in the breast tissue.

Bad news:
You’re going to lose body parts.

Gratitude
I can say thank you and farewell to those parts; I’m going flat and I’ll never have to wear a bra again!

Practicing gratitude starts to become automatic. When something happens that seems like bad news, we gain the skill of looking at what good might come out of it. We might react at first with upset and other negative emotions, but over time, it becomes easier and faster to recognize the silver lining.

For example, after I got through all the breast cancer treatment, I was diagnosed with coronary artery heart disease. At first I was thrown for a loop and needed about a week to adjust and accept the situation. But then I turned to gratitude. Thank goodness I discovered it now (through a test related to joining a clinical trial, which I would never have otherwise had) and can address it before I become symptomatic. I can research treatments and make the best decisions for my health. I can look for medical help to integrate recommendations across all my health conditions.

Can you identify the silver lining in a current difficult situation?

3. Stronger Community

Having cancer was an opportunity to reach out for help. As I tapped into the love around me, I realized how many people surrounded me with care, and that I could do more to strengthen those connections. I could not have gone through cancer so successfully without my family and community.

It’s not always easy to ask for help, but we needed so much support when I was incapacitated from treatment. We reached out in many ways and asked for help – through an online community, our religious and local communities, the workplace, the medical community, and many other resources.

We were so lucky to have so many friends and families put their arms around us. My medical team was warm, kind, and caring. I had company at every chemo session, many friends and family babysat for our little one, people came and helped us clean, a family member stayed with us when I went through surgery, I received unending messages of support, and the list goes on.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have friends and family thinking and praying and sending good vibes for health and recovery. I love that a friend of mine named Amy who has been going through breast cancer has a community that called themselves “Amy’s Army.”

So whatever your challenge or struggle, don’t hesitate to call in your army!

4. More Motivation

There’s nothing like a brush with death to give one motivation for life. Although I was fairly healthy before with diet and exercise, getting cancer was a huge motivator to change everything for the better.

My partner and I took to the research and started sorting through the recommendations for a healthy lifestyle, from diet and exercise to mindset and environment and everything in between. I have changed my diet completely, I stretch and work on lymphatic drainage every day, I exercise regularly, we’ve eliminated household toxins, and I keep researching and reading about health.

As someone who never loved shopping or cooking, I’m becoming fascinated and excited about food and how to prepare it. I read everything I can on anti-cancer diets and love trying new things as well as sharing them with my family and friends. Now I like to say, “Health is my new hobby.”

What motivates you to make change in your life?

5. Deeper Determination

When faced with a problem, my motto has become “be willing to go to any lengths” to find solutions. Any time I hit bottom, whether mentally or physically, I’ve learned that being willing to try new things is key to learning, growing, and healing. When I got cancer, I wanted to know as much as possible, and draw from whatever resources were available. That meant tapping my medical team, certainly, but also doing my own reading and research, listening to my partner’s knowledge and experience (he is also a cancer survivor), and talking to as many knowledgeable people as possible.

If I wanted to avoid neuropathy, and my doctors weren’t able to offer any help, I went to online support groups and others who had been through it. If a friend mentioned they knew a breast cancer survivor, and did I want their number, I always said yes, and then I called and spoke with them. I wanted every bit of information I could get so I could weigh it all and make the best decision for my health. I say never stop asking questions. The doctors can’t possibly share everything they know with us, but they can try to answer our questions. If they didn’t have answers for me, I just went to other reputable sources until I felt I had enough information to make my decision.

Are you willing to go to any lengths to solve your current problem?

6. Home is in your Head

There is no way to feel “at home” in your life unless you feel “at home” in your own body, heart, and mind. No “outside condition” can make you feel solid and secure. My doctor could tell me they got all the cancer, or that radiation gives me a better chance to avoid recurrence, or that my cholesterol has come down 100 points. But none of that in itself gives me comfort. It all depends on attitude, beliefs, and perspective.

For now I am healthy. I focus on staying centered, grounded, “at home” inside, so that no matter what happens in external circumstances, I can find peace inside. As each challenge arises, I might pop out of that place and into fear and anxiety, but it’s momentary, and I can return to a peaceful internal state fairly quickly. Having that home base is crucial to coming back to sanity and balance, especially when we’re in the midst of a crisis.

Fear of cancer recurrence still haunts me. I hope one day it will fade, but even so, I can still feel at peace and internally secure. We can’t control what happens with disease or other life challenges, but we can stay steady and secure inside, so that we can always “come home” to a peaceful internal place.

A Satisfied Life Starts with a Satisfied You

It’s not the outside conditions that determine if we have a satisfied and satisfying life. I could have cancer, or be free of cancer; the determining factor in a happy life is how I feel inside. I could be happy with stage 4 cancer, or miserable with no evidence of disease.

How satisfied are you with yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you see yourself as a friend? Are you comfortable in your skin?

Cancer made me realize that satisfaction is not about external circumstances. I’m so grateful I have no evidence of disease right now, but my true security is internal. Through this experience, I know I have the strength and skills to handle hardship in a positive way for both me and those around me. It’s about how strong is my attitude and mindset. Can I see the positives, what can be gained or learned from an experience? Even with a serious, life-threatening illness, I’ve learned I can use my internal strengths to handle the difficult times. Feeling happy and secure in who I am is the best tool I have for any other future challenge.

What life challenges are you facing right now? What tools are you using to handle them?