5 Tips for Building Social Connections as an Older Parent of a Young Child

As an older parent of a young child, I worried about building strong social connections with other parents. Here are some tips I learned along the journey so far.

When I finally had my long-dreamed-of baby at 51, I was very concerned that I would have trouble relating to other (younger) parents. I was mainly worried about what they would think of me, anticipating negative reactions to my age. (After many years and much inner work, I still carry the people pleasing gene.)

I attended support groups for older moms, sought out older couples with young children to cultivate relationships and have play dates with, and read as much as I could on the subject. Along the way, I also ended up meeting and hanging out with younger parents. And in the process, I gained some insights into how to build a social circle that not only supported my child, but nourished me as a parent as well.

Here are 5 tips to help you build social connections with other parents, regardless of age:

1. Look for kindred spirits

Finding kindred spirits has little to do with age. I thought I would relate more to older parents. Turns out, just like in any life endeavor, finding the people I connect with has much more to do with common interests than with age or any other demographic factor. Look for the parents with similar parenting philosophies and approaches, who like to laugh (if you do), or read the same kinds of books. There are so many ways to connect with others, just apply what you know of any relationship to this one. I now have several parent friends who I can spend hours delving into topics of interest with, AND we have the bonus that our kids love to play together.

2. Develop humility

It’s tempting to assume that because we’ve lived longer, we have more knowledge and experience than our younger counterparts. When we open our minds and hearts, we might be surprised by the knowledge and wisdom even much younger parents already have. Let go of your own prejudices, let go of your self-judgments, and be open to who other parents are, what they are struggling with, and what they want to learn.

3. Remember that what others think of us is none of our business

Age doesn’t necessarily confer immunity to what other people think of us. As I mentioned, I’m a closet people pleaser. I work hard to chip away at the urge to shape myself to others’ needs and personalities. It helps me to remember that I have no control over what others think of me or anything else. Getting caught up in speculation about it is useless and can be debilitating. Stay connected to yourself, and don’t get stuck in your own thinking either. When you’re simply present, you can enjoy being with other parents, free of worry and overthinking.

4. It’s got to work for you AND your child

You’re both important to the social equation. Find the groups that support your child’s growth, with other children they connect, grow and learn with, and that also offer you an enriching experience for developing friendships and the opportunity to learn from other parents experience. I thrive on relationships with other parents who are learning and growing – whether it’s related to parenting or some other life interest they have. While my daughter is playing, I love the opportunity to learn something new and contribute to my own continuing growth.

5. Trust yourself.

Try out a lot of different situations and meet as many people and groups as you can to find the right fit. Trust your instincts when it comes to the parents and children that fit best with you and your little one. If something isn’t working for you, you can say no, and you can do it kindly. Listen to your child, as well, and watch their interactions to see if you think it’s contributing to their development. If not, move on and keep searching for what does work for you both.

In the end, for me, it was a big insight to realize that finding connections as an older parent really isn’t about age. Perhaps this should not have been such a surprise, since I’ve had this recognition over and over again in other aspects of life. Connection with others is about common interests and that indefinable meeting of souls, finding the kindred spirit. So if you can, let go of preconceived notions about age while parenting your young children. Focus on finding the friends you can both have fun with!

Photo by Artem Kniaz on Unsplash