Use Your OBSESSION to Find Peace
If you have an obsession, and are aware of this obsession, you can use it to find peace. Obsession and peace are normally contradictory concepts. Obsession is continual and intense focus on someone or something that interrupts your thinking and behavior. Peace is the state of undisrupted calm and serenity.
What is your obsession? Obsession can cover a wide range of topics. Cars, electronics, perfection, cleaning, romance, a particular person, celebrities, food, work, substances. In the extreme, obsession can tip over into addiction, which is a state beyond remedy by willpower. We can use obsession to identify the barriers to inner peace.
When I was young, I turned to romantic obsession as a way to avoid the pain in my life. I read romance novels. I fantasized about finding the perfect partner who would rescue me and give me the life I dreamed of. I loved romantic comedies. I obsessed over potential romantic partners. Eventually as a young adult, I developed two kinds of romantic relationships: either I was the one pursued and I was indifferent, or I became obsessed and pursued the other. Neither approach was healthy.
I was not really aware of this pattern until I hit my bottom – a relationship with an addict that brought out my worst codependent tendencies. I was obsessed with the other person, and so focused on helping them that I let my own life go down the toilet. This led to a decision to really dig in and do my own inner work – to heal the source of my obsession and belief that someone else, some outside circumstance, could prove me worthy of love.
It took me many, many years to come to the realization that my obsession with romantic relationships was pointing to the place inside that needed healing. If you’re aware of your obsessions now, you can use them at ANY point to look for the healing. You don’t have to stay on that path, stuck in that place, looking for validation outside yourself.
USE OBSESSION AS A CLUE.
A clue to the inner work you need to do to find true healing.
What do you get obsessed with? Compulsive about? Even addicted to? What does that obsession mean to you? What are you seeking when you go after it? See if you can identify the need stemming from deep inside you. And then start looking for other ways to heal and fulfill that need. That’s the way to peace.
For me, romantic obsession was the only answer I could find for a long time to the need for validation and self-worth. Until I could give it to myself, I couldn’t let go of the compulsion to find another person to fill those needs. Of course, they never actually could give me self-worth and validation, but until I could do those things for myself, I was looking in all the wrong places.
Ultimately, I did stop long enough to find and really look at my wounds. And I healed them, learning how to love myself and validate my worth. I now have tremendous peace around relationships and have a strong and healthy connection with my partner.
So tell me what you’re obsessed with today. And what need is hiding underneath? Let’s brainstorm how to use that obsession to cultivate your inner peace.
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
