7 Secrets to Rediscovering the True You

We are each here for a purpose and to take a journey to become the person we are meant to be – the true you – but most of us forget! Here are 7 secrets for rediscovering who you are meant to be.

The deal on earth is this: We know who we are and what we want to become when we choose parents and take physical form as infants. As we grow into our family and culture, a good many of us lose touch with that pre-knowledge, and become confused about our identity and purpose on earth. We forget what we came here to learn. Forgetting has a purpose, too. It sets up the challenge of remembering.

Did you have a dream when you were a child that you abandoned? I loved animals passionately and wanted to be a vet or a horse trainer, but by the time I was in college, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do or be. With much inner reflection and work on myself, I’ve become clearer in my direction and purpose. Though I don’t work with animals, what I’ve regained from my childhood is a clarity and intensity to pursue what I love and get passionate about it, even if I’m not certain how I’ll get there or even what the ultimate destination is.

Our culture often tells us to deny our instincts and inner knowledge. Perhaps you relate to hearing things like:

• Don’t feel this, feel that (disconnects us from feelings)
• Don’t be this, be that (impacts identity)
• Don’t do that, do this (leads to loss of integrity)
• Don’t like this, like that (nurtures dependency on others’ opinions)
• Don’t learn this, learn that (tells you to ignore your passions, talents, potential skills)
• Don’t take care of self first, take care of others (encourages codependence)

These messages are powerful and lead to forgetting our purpose here. For those who want to remember who they really are, here are some suggestions for rediscovering or further developing the true you.

1. Decide it’s worth it.

When the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing, we become willing. We feel it’s worth the effort because what’s to lose? Just pain. So yes, decide it’s worth doing something about it.

2. Commit to hard work.

It took however many years to disconnect from our truth and develop a false self; it’s going to take some time and effort to restore the connection. Make a commitment to digging in and doing the hard work.

3. Set up a structured plan for getting to know yourself again.

Just like any relationship, our relationship with ourself benefits from focused care and attention. To learn to value yourself, you have to get to know yourself. You’d give a friendship time to develop, so give your relationship with yourself time to evolve.

4. Make friends with the parts of yourself you have denied

All of us already know what’s best for our health and growth. We just need to get out of our own way, find a path through the barriers we’ve put up between us and ourselves because of societal and family pressure to conform, fit in, meet someone else’s expectations for our own lives.

So get to know yourself again. Start with the basics and work up:

• What kinds of foods are good for your body?
• How much sleep do you need?
• What kind of exercise do you enjoy?
• Do you like yourself?
• What do you find fun?
• Can you give yourself permission to do that?
• What do you love to learn about?
• What you are passionate about professionally?
• What are you looking for in a romantic relationship?
• Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” as you would to a lover, friend, or child?

5. Remember any dreams you’ve had for your future

From your childhood, adolescence, youth. What did you fantasize about for your life? What gave you tingles and sent you into tizzies of excitement? Do you have dreams today? Try letting yourself float off on wild flights of imagination. What’s the best thing you can imagine for your future? Write it, talk about it, visualize it. Spin a tale. Make it concrete.

6. Identify the barriers – what’s in your way?

Make a list of the reasons you can’t possibly reach your dreams, or even have dreams. What fears rear up? Do you have guilt? Anxiety? Do you feel you don’t deserve it? Are you afraid of what others would think or say? Are you resistant to change? Does it feel like too much work? Would you rather procrastinate? I find that putting my ugliest thoughts on the table helps me expose them to the light of day and let them go.

7. Let time be your friend

It took a long time to forget who we really are. If you walk into a forest for 10 years, it will take at least that long to walk out. Don’t expect clarity to come overnight. Give the process time and apply patience to developing the dream and identifying and letting go of the barriers to making it real.

Never, never give up on your true self, your purpose, no matter how forgotten, buried, ignored, or hidden. It is NEVER TOO LATE to rediscover yourself and what lights you up in your time on the planet. Be kind to yourself, be forgiving, and give yourself permission to figure it out on your own schedule, in your own time. The knowledge is there, you just need to tune in and be willing.

What did you always think you wanted to do that you haven’t yet?

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash