7 Tips for (Mentally) Surviving Cancer
Like every life challenge, surviving cancer is as much a mental game as a physical one. Here are 7 tips that got me through breast cancer.
1. Feel your feelings. Let them pass, don’t get stuck.
You’re going to have a LOT of feelings. I ran through the gamut: shock, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, terror, sadness, fear and more fear. The trick is to let them happen. Allow your feelings so they come up, but then pass through. They might feel overwhelming, but feelings won’t kill you. Blocking them, suppressing them, denying them, that will kill you, so just do your best to feel them and let them go. And ask for help – let someone who cares about you lend a shoulder to cry on.
2. Focus on the current treatment, don’t jump ahead.
Thinking too far down the road leads to overwhelm and terror. Take one treatment at a time, focus on what you need to do, and do it. I spent time researching and understanding each phase – chemotherapy, surgery, radiation – so that I was as prepared as possible for the process. Staying present and focusing only on what I had control over in that phase helped me keep my sanity. And I was able to see more clearly what I could use help with from others.
3. Get information from trusted sources.
Trust your process – if you are able to research and review a lot of information without getting overwhelmed, go for it. But if you know you’ll freak out after a google search, step away from the computer! Ask your medical professionals for guidance. Talk to others who have gone through similar situations. Look for books, online or in-person support groups, journal articles, podcasts, or whatever type of media you can process and handle.
If you have a friend who’s good at research, ask them to help, or turn to others who can help interpret the information you collect. I was lucky that my partner had been through cancer before and had a treasure trove of information to share and process to follow for gathering information.
4. Keep a vision for the best possible future in mind.
Don’t let your mind go down a dark hole. DON’T GO THERE! Imagine your best outcome, and keep that in mind any time worries come up. My brother told me, “In a year from now, we’ll be celebrating the end of your treatment and returning to normal,” and he would remind me of that periodically. It was hard to believe it would happen, but having that encouragement pulled me back on track when I would wander. And when I finished treatment, we celebrated as a family, and I looked at him and said, “You were right! Here we are, in our best possible new normal.”
5. Stay present, focus on right here, right now.
The worries, the terror, the nightmares of possibility are very hard to avoid when you’re facing down potential death. The best way to keep from going there is to get present and stay there. Focus on what’s happening right here, right now. Don’t get too far ahead or drift backward. Don’t dwell on how or why it happened. Don’t think about “what ifs.” Just do the next right thing. And then the next. Ask your friends to remind you when you veer off track and check in often so you aren’t left to your own devices.
6. Be kind to yourself, practice self-care.
Treatment for cancer is no joke. It can be intense, scary, painful, and debilitating. It’s so important to be kind and caring to yourself, and to surround yourself with people who support you in self-care. Pay attention to what you need through the process, and make time and space for meeting those needs. If you need extra sleep, then sleep. If you want certain foods, get them. If you need a break from work or any activity, take it. I was so lucky that my workplace supported me in continuing to work but taking time when I needed it. One colleague even lent me his comfy leather chair for naps during the day.
7. At all points, ask for help from friends, family, professionals. They all want to be there for you.
Notice that every one of the points above includes asking for help. Your friends, family, and medical team want to be there for you every step of the way. Let them! Their time and support is a gift to you, but your allowing them to help is also a gift. Let them be of service. You will both benefit.
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
