4 Tips for Meeting Your Needs Without Needing Others
You don’t need others to meet your needs. You will gain huge emotional freedom if you know your needs and have a flexible plan for meeting them.
This doesn’t mean you don’t need other people. But if someone isn’t available or can’t provide what you’re asking in that moment, you have other options so that you’re not reliant on that one person.
For example, say you’re upset about something, and you really need to talk to someone about it. You’d like it to be your closest friend, or mother, or brother – a specific person – but they aren’t available. If you have options – other people you can call until they are available, or an activity that takes your mind off of it until you can reach them, etc. – you can take care of yourself without having to rely on that one specific person.
That way you’re not stuck in the upset, waiting for one person’s input. You have other ways to meet your need for support and to process the feelings.
Many of us have expectations that certain relationships are SUPPOSED to provide for our needs, especially our romantic relationships. We put SO much pressure on that ONE person. And yes, a partner can and usually does provide support we may not have anywhere else in our lives. But they cannot provide for all of our needs, all of the time.
So develop some flexibility. Give yourself a wide range of options. If you don’t like doing things alone, cultivate many friend and family relationships with those who love the same activities. If your first choice person isn’t available for the next show or game or event, move on to another friend.
- Know your needs. Write them out. Not just the basics, but also what you need for fun, for work, for creativity, and for meaningful contribution.
- Give yourself a wide range of choices for meeting those needs. Brainstorm the types and numbers of people in your life who can help with different needs. Cultivate relationships to ensure you have support for whatever comes up.
- Always have a “Plan B.” If you can’t meet your need with your first choice, make sure you have a back up. If you really like to exercise with someone else, develop several exercise buddies.
- Take responsibility. Let go of expectations that others should be there for you, that you “need” someone else to meet a need or feel better. You always have choices, you don’t have to get stuck waiting on someone who may or may not ever be available to help you. Take the power to take care of yourself without relying on any other specific person.
In the process, do what you can to be there for others, too. Watch out for those who make you too important in their repertoire of needs. Help others when you have extra energy, but not when it drains your source or essence. Don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t take it personally when someone else says no to you. Good boundaries means good energy and good friendships!
What’s a need you have today? Brainstorm some options for meeting that need.
Photo by Thomas Claeys on Unsplash
