Self-love is POWAH!

As my fellow Bostonians would say, there’s POWAH in self-love, because putting yourself before others leads to the best outcomes for everyone. POWAH stands for Personal responsibility, Open-mindedness, Willingness, Awareness, and Honesty, five traits that lay a foundation for self-love:

• Personal responsibility – taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions
• Open-mindedness – being open to new ideas, breaking our own patterns, and considering other people’s perspectives
• Willingness – being willing to put new ideas into practice, to continually work on improving ourselves, to persevere no matter what
• Awareness – making the commitment to listen inwardly to ourselves and to use the knowledge gained toward living a life of integrity and satisfaction
• Honesty – being true to ourselves and to others, even if it means admitting we aren’t always right

Practicing these traits is an exercise in growing your self regard. They are a path to understanding yourself better and to treating yourself with love and respect. They are helpful in identifying and solidifying your integrity – knowing yourself and what’s important to you and defining your values.

Self-love is not selfish. Loving yourself first allows you to better love others. Treat yourself as you would others, and vice versa. In fact, when you take care of yourself first, you are taking care of others. Taking care of your needs is essential to feeling good and having good energy for interacting with others. Doing something for someone else when you’d rather not just generates resentment and negative feelings, which is not good for the other person.

Seem counterintuitive? Here’s an example. You have a choice to spend an evening with a family member having a dinner out or relaxing at home after a stressful week when you really need to chill out. While the dinner out might be fun, you feel pressure to spend time and sometimes have conflicts with that person. You feel guilty saying no. Here’s where POWAH steps in.

• Take personal responsibility for your needs and say no; it’s the best thing for you AND for the family member. You can suggest a different night for the dinner when you are mentally more prepared and able to bring positive energy.
• Be open-minded about the situation – you don’t have to say yes, you don’t have to feel guilty, you can consider many options in terms of spending time with that family member.
• Be willing to take care of yourself and your family member and to believe in self-love and self-care as the best for all involved.
• Be aware and honest with yourself – the best thing for you is to decline and spend the evening relaxing and regaining your strength. If you say yes, you’ll bring your stress and anxiety with you, you’re more likely to get into a conflict, and you may say something you regret. Plus the other person may sense your energy and be negatively influenced.