4 Tips to Just Feel Better

Sometimes you may not have a clear personal development goal – it might be that you just want to feel better.

When I think back to my 20s and 30s, a time I was struggling with depression, anxiety, and obsession with romantic relationships, I never would have identified my problem as codependency or a lack of self-love. I wanted peace of mind. I wanted a way to calm my anxieties, feel my feelings without drowning in them, and have healthy relationships. Mostly, I just wanted to feel better.

Because I was unaware of my real issues, I pursued romantic relationships as the way to reach that goal of feeling better. If only that special person would validate me, then I would feel valued and worthy. I had to hit a hard bottom – an unhealthy relationship with an alcoholic/addict where I lost myself – to be motivated enough to face the truth and really start to change.

Here’s what I would pass along to you, to perhaps prevent you from going down as many rabbit holes as I did before finding a way to feeling better:

1. Get to know yourself. What are your needs, feelings, values, strengths/weaknesses – what motivates you? What are your goals? How are you pursuing them? Getting to know who you are and what you really want is the foundation for building healthier behavior. This is where you explore the old cliche – the good, the bad, and the ugly – about yourself.
2. Look honestly at your unhealthy behaviors. If you have obsessive or compulsive behavior that is negatively affecting any aspect of your life, that’s a problem. I couldn’t admit this about my romantic relationships until one of them brought me so low that I was finally willing to take a long and hard look at myself. If you have even an inkling of such patterns for yourself, consider looking at them before you reach a crisis.
3. Find a way to dig into your negative behavior patterns. The only way you can release and change how you behave is to recognize, acknowledge, and let go of the bad habits . This is where you come face to face with your ugly. When I looked at my patterns with romantic relationships, I saw that I was involved either with men who were more obsessed with me than I them, or vice versa, who were less interested and I pursued obsessively. I had to do a lot of self-reflection to even see the patterns, and once I did I was horrified but enlightened. I could acknowledge the pattern and release it.
4. Get support, and only from trusted sources. You need people you can confide in and trust with the sometimes difficult truths that you’re digging up and releasing. Look around for those who accept you for who you are, are nonjudgmental, and who have shown they are there for you no matter what.

Where are you at with this? Are you aware of your negative patterns? Do you have an inkling of what you need to do to feel better? What’s bugging you the most? Comment below.