Want to Change Your Life? It’s Simple, but Not Easy

Have you ever hit a wall in life and felt like it was time to change what you’re doing because it just isn’t working? It might seem overwhelming, but change is actually a simple, though not easy, process if you stay focused.

Have you been nursing a secret hope or dream and feel ready to pursue it? Or maybe you just want to feel better about yourself. If you’re at the point of being “sick and tired of being sick and tired” of the same old patterns of behavior, don’t give up. Change is possible. It requires commitment and hard work, just like any practice. To do it effectively, you’ll need a few key ingredients:

Desire

How badly do you want things to be different? We may say we’re ready to change, but then we continue our same behaviors and hit the same brick wall over and over again. Sometimes, we have to be in tremendous pain before we decide we really want to change. If you’re pretty comfortable with the same old, same old, it’ll be harder to get to the next ingredient – motivation.

Motivation

What’s driving your desire to change? Do you want something or someone in your life? Are you angry, jealous, envious, vengeful? Do you feel terrible about yourself and just want to feel better? Are you wrought with worry and simply seek peace of mind? Have you chosen a life of security but really want to go for your dreams? The motivation must be strong to support sustained change, because to make it happen, we have to be persistent and committed – which requires discipline.

Discipline

Many of us say we want to change, but we don’t know how. We can’t just keep doing the same things we’ve always done, we need new ideas to replace old habits. What we need is a way – a structure, a discipline, a program, a method, a set of principles – that gives us tools to practice change with. Methods might include religion, therapy, 12-step groups, and myriad self-help schools of thought. It doesn’t matter what you choose, as long as it helps you continuously dig deep and replace unhealthy behavior with something that feels better.

Courage

This ingredient is somewhat indefinable when it comes to personal change. Dorothy Bernard says, “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” Changing who we are and how we do things can stir up tremendous amounts of fear. “Who am I if not who I’ve always been? Will others accept me if I start doing things differently? If I stop doing [fill in the blank], what will be left in its place?” To replace our negative patterns with new behaviors takes a willingness to walk through such fears, and to take a leap of faith in ourselves.

Discomfort

True change means moving out of our comfort zone. If we keep doing the same things, we’ll keep getting the same results. To change our thinking and behavior, we have to try new things, which by definition is going to mean risking discomfort. But the payoff can be extraordinary.

Support

It’s very difficult to make change happen by yourself. The support of friends, family, or those going through the same struggles is invaluable and nearly essential. Change doesn’t happen overnight, so having companions along the long road makes it more enjoyable, and they often contribute new ideas and energy that keep us going.

A recent example: I went into a fight/flight/freeze panic and could not make a decision about something important. I was curled in a frozen ball, unable to function. My partner was incredibly supportive and pointed out that it wasn’t so much making the decision that I needed help with but a way to address the overwhelming mental pressure. I realized that I needed to call someone who would understand and be able to help. I reached out to a very close friend, someone who knows me, loves me, and doesn’t judge me. She gave me exactly the advice I needed to release my panic and take a step forward. I made a big change in how I was handling that stressor in my life and have not fallen down that particular rabbit hole since.

Have you changed your life? What resources or ideas helped you the most?

Photo by Paul Skorupskas on Unsplash